for those about to rock

as i descended the stairs of my building for a final smoke last night,

i passed an asian guy, probably in his early twenties, sitting in a hunched position on the bottom steps of the flight, wrapped in an overcoat, head down with his chin tucked behind his crossed arms. i didn't know him, nor did i recognize him as one of my neighbors' acquaintances.

"hey. are you ok?"

"yeah." literally soft-spoken, almost inaudible. "just stepping in from the cold."

"oh. want to have a smoke?"

"yeah, sure."

we sat outside on the stoop and talked for awhile. j said that he's a student at one of the local schools -- mass college of art, if i heard him right -- and that he came to be without a place to stay through "a series of unfortunate events." sensing his tone lighten with the euphemism, i paused a beat and then proceeded to needle him with some gentle humor on what the specifics of said 'events' were. he started saying something, wavered, and then clammed up altogether, so i decided to drop it.

he struck me as well-spoken, thoughtful and cultivated. this alone couldn't provide me ample grounds for deciding that he wasn't a shyster, but the fact that he had initially ignored me as i passed him on the stairs scored more points in his favor and helped sway my thinking.

i wanted to offer him some couch space. i also knew that it would be unfair to put him up without my apartmentmates' consent -- both justin and scott had already turned in for the night -- and that i'd had shit stolen out of previous apartments by people i had known better than i knew j at the moment. i reached a compromise between my instincts and my better judgement and asked him if i could get him some cushions, a blanket and a pillow so that he might at least sleep somewhat comfortably within what amounts to our building's foyer (i live in a three-apartment building with a short stairwell that leads up to a small landing outside the first floor apartment, hence the "foyer"). thanking me for the offer, he refused on the grounds that local police crack down hard on squatters, and that he didn't want to impose on me or my building as such. i offered to take him down to the best western a couple of blocks away to see about booking him a room for the night. refused. i offered him a twenty. he refused, again on the grounds of wishing not to render himself a liability. after turning down those same three offers two more times, j said that he would be on his way and started walking.

i followed him down the block, and, as we walked, i entreated him to reconsider what i had put on the table. since we were heading in the direction of the best western, i decided to try my offer of a hotel room one last time. he stopped walking, sized me up as he chewed it over, and after shaking his head in apparent disbelief, he begrudgingly acquiesced.

we checked with the night guy at bw. no vacancy.

as we stepped out back outside, he started repeating the same mantra he'd been hitting me with all along: i'll be fine, i can find an inconspicous spot outside somewhere to sleep where i won't be bothered, i'll make it through the night, don't worry about me.

fine, fine, i said. but at least take the 20. for breakfast or a cup of coffee for tomorrow morning.

again, he sizes me up. are you sure?

yeah.

he takes it, shaking his head. incredulously: why are you doing this?

trying to project some of that same incredulity in my response, employing a questioning tone to do so: uh, because i don't like to see people suffer?

we spoke for another minute, shook hands and parted ways.

his inability to believe that someone would do something small with no strings attached to help lighten his load bugs me. and that, rather than to trumpet my own good will, was the point of this meandering account.

posted by jomilkman @ 1:50 PM